Miscarriage Stories: Noelle's Butterfly Sera Hope
Note from creator of Love Natural Birth on Miscarriage Stories: Noelle recently contacted me with her beautiful miscarriage story of release. Her sharing her story is what inspired me to ask if she'd like to share it with you. Thank you Noelle for your openness, I am sure you will touch many other's hearts as you have touched mine... many blessings on your journey.
For those of you reading the story, Noelle was told that the embryonic death happened at 7 weeks, however, the miscarriage was experienced by Noelle at 11w4d. As Noelle put it, she experienced symptoms and all up until she miscarried. It often takes the body time to be ready to release...this can be completely normal.
Noelle's Miscarriage Story Shared:
I just wanted to thank you for the section on natural miscarriage. I read it last night, in the throes of my own miscarriage pain, and it made me feel that I had made the absolute right choice in handling this naturally. I could not have borne the emotional horror of making this a medical procedure. I know sometimes it's necessary, but I believe your site helped my body to let go naturally. This was my first pregnancy (unplanned, but not unwanted) and I had no idea what to expect.
The trust you spoke of is a most precious gift. After reading this site, I opened my heart, told myself it was okay to let go and trusted my body (which has otherwise not had a great track record - I am diabetic and have many problems with my spine) and would you believe it, it did exactly what it needed to do, in a pretty timely fashion, without much fuss less than 12 hours later. I wanted to share my story, in case you were interested in how you helped me. I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart, and from my littlest butterfly, whom I named Sera Hope. (Sera: from Serafina, Italian origin, "from the Seraph" or "Gift of the Angels". Hope: Old English origin, "optimism, belief, faith".)
My Natural Miscarriage Story:
My bleeding was never heavy, but the cramping was getting pretty horrific this morning after about 3 days of spotting and general obnoxious pain. I took each cramping wave like you said, with the thought that I was honoring my child. I also let the pain cleanse me of any guilt I had pent up. Realistically, I know a miscarriage is nobody's fault. But it's hard to deal with the feelings of "did I do something wrong? Am I just not good enough?" I let the pain wash those feelings away, because I felt I was TRULY seeing this out to the absolute end, doing the absolute best I could.
I had been working through the most horrible of the cramping for half an hour while sitting on the toilet, still passing no tissue or even much blood, when I remembered what you said about the shower. I thought maybe the water would help me deal with the pain or relax. I got in the shower, closed my eyes under the hot water, and told her (my heart says her, though I will never know) it's okay to let go. (Though they had told me the embryo was reabsorbed since it was only 7ish weeks before demise, but it was the idea of it.)
After only about 15 seconds or so of letting my baby be free in my mind, telling her it was okay, and envisioning her soul with the wings of a butterfly...the blood burst forth for the first time and the sac passed in its entirety (and stayed intact) while I was in the shower. It was probably the easiest and best place for it to happen. I was able to get it out of the way to deal with later, and squat down with the water running to pass the rest of the placenta/tissue relatively easily. Before I knew it, my pain was next to nothing other than a bit of soreness and occasional reduction contracting, and the bleeding tapered off. Letting go emotionally helped me let go physically, and your story is what helped me the most to let go emotionally.
I won't go into any other minute detail, but I did look in the sac to find they were right - my baby had been reabsorbed. I was thankful for that, and was able to let go of that mass of tissue without any ill feelings or regrets. I don’t think I would have had the opportunity for that type of personal closure, had I decided to go the surgical route. I really do believe that if this was the way it had to happen, it happened under the best circumstances possible. When I went for a checkup, my OB told me that my body really did complete the miscarriage, and that I will be able to heal without any other medical intervention. I am fully convinced this outcome would not have been possible without being able to emotionally let go, so that I could physically let go. I am so very thankful for this whole experience playing out like it did, and for the closure it gives me. Now, the healing process can truly begin, physically and emotionally.
Thank you for your site, for sharing your story, and for the help it provided in letting me let go.
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